What... what happened? why are you sulking???

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ok... no problem... keep sulking... why should I care for someone who prefers no communication??

IT IS ITCHING ALL OVER... I AM IN TROUBLE FROM MORNING..............SEE ANTS ALL OVER ME..........

really??? they are harmless black ants... so, you should sulk.... ok... gimme two minutes... I will clear them...

I FEEL OK NOW... I THOUGHT YOU ARE A BETTER ONE... SORRY, YOU DISAPPOINTED ME....

can you stop shouting now, so that, we can talk - instead of fighting....

Ok... i will not shout sorry... I was almost dead for one year after I was created as noone came to see me, touch me or feel me. Then one day you came and did something early morning and I got life back... blood flowing all over, my nerves got activated and my brain cells are very active...

fine... so, you must be happy with me and I assumed that you are happy.... then why did you sulk today?

yes.... I put up with your poking me here and there, though it was painful, just after recovering from my almost death-stage. I wanted to be thankful to you for giving me fresh lease of life and I showed only happy face to you all these 15 days inspite of your pokes and hits now and then....

oh ohhhhhh... I am truly sorry... see, you know that I had to do it...thanks for the understanding... I appreciate it... even I did not like poking and hitting you... but, what to do?

that is what I also understood and that lead me into trusting you toally for my welfare... may be that is what made me sulk today, as nobody wants to be let down by a trusted friend.....

hey... heyyyyyyy... are you not taking things too far.... ok....ok... I do not want you sulking again... I understand what you mean... by the way, you may have to undergo little more hits and pokes this Saturday, as I have to make you more friendly to ME!!

hmmm.... then it is a deal that we will make! I agree for the pokes, provided you see to it that these silly ants do not trouble me even for 5 minutes.

no problem... I promise.. actually, you are very good, though inhuman - see, I did not call you lifeless - I just called you inhuman - dont take it as an insult - in fact, it is a compliment, as I find that some humans are more lifeless than you.

ok ok... I want to tell you something else now, as you seem to be in talking mood now....

go ahead...

you made me listen to those horrible sounds one whole night with that thing on my front.... I did not like it at all... I wish you fill me with better sound, vibration... and may be your own voice... I know you are a good person, so your voice is good tonic for me :-)

you mean... that sound that night... I was mistaken... I thought I will have some human voice around me which will help me in some way... but I understood next day morning that I was not correct... did you notice, that I stopped now..... ok... what I can do is, get something good which will sooth us....hey... you have good taste, I should admit...

you bet I have... otherwise, how do you think I allowed you to become my friend????

(mumbling).... I thought I own you... looks like you own me..............

PS : That was conversation between me and my little home that happened yesterday night!

Teachers

Thatha, Avva, Devaki Teacher, Indra teacher, Nagalakshmi teacher, Rukmini teacher, Muthu Krishnan Sir, Srinivasan Sir, Mari Teacher - my teachers in Ramakrishna School, Sivaganga, Tamil Nadu.

How can I call my grand parents as my teachers? Why not? I was with my parents only till the age of 3 from birth. Then I was sent along with my elder sister to my grand parents home at Sivaganga.

Let me give a brief profile of each one of my teachers.

Thatha ....

My grand father was the founder, patron and President of Ramakrishna School. He was a great admirer of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Vivekananda and Sharada Devi. He used to close his eyes and say "now I am in Dakshineswar - I am with Ramakrishna - worshipping Kali - worshipping Him " - though he lived 96 years, he never went physically to Kolkatta. He would do manaseeka darsanam of people and deities that he wanted to visit. There was a lesson in it for all of us. One can aspire but never despair - find fulfillment in simpler ways in stead of sweating over things which are beyond financial and physical reach! The farthest he travelled was to Mumbai. But his real world crossed all oceans, forests and mountains. He was a master of geography, history, philosophy, English and Sanskrit. He liked Tamil to a limited extent only. His appreciation of Tamil would be limited to Alwar Pasuram and Thirupavai only.

He had a disciplined life-style, but with a little weakness for Thayirvadai! His day would start around 5 am - he will be sitting on his cot with the mosquitoe net covering him on all four sides - he would start calling each one of us - his 5 grand children who lived with him under his roof - one by one - starting with my name - as I used to respond immediately, without any delay! We would brush - do not imagine tooth brush and paste - brushing means cleaning the mouth with Karippodi ( powder made at home using paddy husk with some medicinal herbs and salt -roasted and powdered to a fine state, which looks black and hence the name "Karu/i podi") using our index finger as the brush. A quick wash of the face with plain water would make us feel fresh. We would assemble near his cot. He will say one line of a shlokam which we would repeat twice. This would go on for at least 30 minutes. The shlokam for each day would be something that is connected to the God of the day. For example, on Monday it will be all on Lord Shiva. On Wednesday, it is Krishna, Thursday would be Dakshinamoorthy and Friday will have all Devi Shlokams. The routine will have some sort of mix and match - adding Geeta chapters during summer vacations.

We would see him doing his Sandhya Vandanam in the morning around 6.30 am. He will go with a small basket to our garden and collect Mayil Kondrai flowers. This flower blooms in the bush which does not require too much water. One single bush / plant used to give a good quantity of flowers every day. The image of the flower is at the top of this post ( donot know how to put it next to this :-(

He would do abhishekam to the Santhana Lingam - which is passed on to him from his father - who received it from his father - reciting Rudram, Namaka, Chamakam etc. - One big vessel of Mahanaivedyam (cooked rice) will be offered as Naivedyam, ending the pooja with Deepa Aradhana. Abhisheka water would be sprinkled on us and we would think that we will study well if that water falls on our head. All we knew then was that we should study well - how, why, what for - no thoughts like that - study well - that is it! Be all and end all of our goal would be studying well. Retrospectively I feel that it was not a bad idea - after all, what anyone can get without studies that too, in a middle class family? Yes, our studies liberated all of us - Study did not necessarily mean school studies - we will find all sorts of books all over our house -it is up to us to pick anything and read. I remember reading a book called Black Tulips by Alexander Dumas - it had been a non-detailed prose for study as part of undergraduate syllabus for my aunt in Rajah's College. She had done her bachelors in Mathematics. This book attracted my attention from the huge collection of books the house held in its various rooms. I do not know whether it was the size of the book or the title attracted me. I remember reading and rereading it till I had tears in my eyes for Cornelius! As I was in a Tamil Medium school, having English as one of the subjects and not as medium of study, I had to spend a good number of days reading it page by page. But I did complete it and found it interesting and absorbing - I read it fully though I never understood every word of it. That was the atmosphere he created for us children - to be enthusiastic about reading.

I think we learnt some basic Mathematics and some Tamil and very little English from I to V standard. Some bit of Science - like how rain comes, thunder, lightning etc. - something on plants, Sun, Moon etc. Tamil was taught through stories and poems. I am yet to see another grandfather giving dictation to make his grandchildren learn English. Nothing was "for the exam"or "for the syllabus "or "for the school portion". He will just think of some words and make us write. I could never spell LEAVES correctly. Every day I will write it as LEAFS. He will not give the correct spelling, but make me find out for myself and correct it in my own time. He was a great teacher with lots of patience - his method was to make us curious and involved. He will just show the direction and it is up to us to pick up!

We had a small patch of garden where his room was in the middle of it. One look from his window will make him understand that the garden needs attention. He will announce a scheme! Verudan Aimbadhu!! Bring 50 weeds with their roots in tact for a reward of one full mithai - the sweet lemon/orange hard candy! More 50s would get us more candies... I will go feverishly plucking / pulling the weeds with all my strength ( I was just 7 / 8 or maximum 10 then) to earn those candies. Some cousins would leave at 10 or 20 and say "what is there in that silly candy? I do not care for it"and run away... I will not give up. It was tough - pulling the weed from the ground with its roots in tact ( that is the sure way to remove it permenently) from the dry parched ground - yes, hardwork is hard while performing, but the result is always sweet! Yes, Thatha, I have learnt this lesson from you - how do you think I was successful as a Bank officer, as an entrepreneur managing 100 people under me? Without your lesson on Verudan Ayimbadhu, I might have given up on hard work and not had strength to fight it out wherever necessary! Thank you! The lemon and orange candies are sweeter even now! I can feel it in my tongue even now! Thank you Thatha! I am lucky to have you in my life, at the right age, as my grand father. You are my first Guru!

He made me read Ramakrishna's sayings again and again - in the guise of reading for HIM - not for me - I did not know it then - I thought I am reading it for him, as he wants to read them, but has poor eye-sight! I know now that he knew all that by heart and he made me read them for my own sake!

He walked with me to temple every evening narrating his experience as Secretary of the Co-operative Fund that they were running in our little town! He told me how power corrupts! He used to quote Telugu Padhyalu to teach morals! He used to write pages and pages every day. He has hand-written all shlokas, padhyam, life-history of Sankaracharya - such things - so many times - for each one of his children and grandchildren. He will paste small little pictures at the end of each shloka - he will use cooked rice as gum! I have seen him write (without using spectacles) till the age of 75 + He used to read till the age of 85+ He spoke to me till he turned 90+... I moved away to Secunderabad as Trainee officer with Syndicate Bank when I was 22 and he was 90+... the last sentence that he spoke to me was "wish you all success".... I will succeed in my endeavours with your blessings Thatha! Your last sentence is a reminder for me never to give up... to keep going........

Avva....

Summer colours

That is the view from the balcony of my home early morning at 6.30 just after I get up. Yellow and orange flowers - all bright and beautiful - they seem to be mocking at the concrete grey of the buildings. I tried my best to capture the nature alone from my balcony itself - but the grey will not leave my lens!

On the road to my office, these yellow flowers keep following me. Reminds me my school days in hot dry Sivaganga. We used to have our annual examination in the month of March - sitting and sweating under these yellow flowered trees. I think many of us did not own pair of slippers - hence had to walk it up to school, avoiding the tar-road and keeping the tender feet on the muddy part of the road!

Once in school, even with exams starting in next 30 or 15 minutes or so, we used to collect these yellow flowers and make patterns right under the tree. The hot breeze that blows once in a while would wait for us to complete a complicated design and blow the flowers off. that was fun and frustrating... so we decided to sit around the flower covering the "outside " with our half / long skirts and continue the design. Fun days! Girls who would get a nice big zero in the exam, would come up with beautiful geometric patterns with flowers. No teacher noticed these designs nor encouraged us to think further.... it was all fun and fun only. Lots of creativity... like a mountain or forest river running wildly...towards ??? just for the joy of running !!!

The organge flowers tree used to give a kind of big fruit which had a huge nut inside. The petals taste little sour and we figured out that if we pluck the flower when it is really very young and eat the petal, it tastes very good. So our hunt used to be on for these tender ones. The discarded ones ( for being tasteless) used to land up in the flower-kolam.

There was a rich girl ( the only one who used to come by car to school) in our small place - she had an amazing talent to draw huge figurines on the soil with her toe. She had to generally wait for her driver to pick her up in the evenings - all others would have just walked ( literally ran away) from school, whereas this one used to stand drawing girl / boy / man / woman figures with her toe on the mud. I kind of used to feel shy to talk to her ( I think her richness was the block for me) but watch her toes drawing figures. She used to be really good. She never had interest with the flowers or colours. Her canvas was the mud in front of classrooms and her brush was her toe!

Come Inspection day or Independance day ( I remember how heated arguments were there for the correct spelling of independance - we did not have dictionary and internet was not even conceived then ) or Republic day or Teachers'day... The whole class used to be formed into multiple groups with the class leader ( most of the years I was the class leader, which in retrospective sounds very unfair to myself also ) allocating work to each group. Think of it now, there used to be no rebellion - each team would just do what was told - absolute obedience!

So, sweeping, wiping the floor and the black-board, windows and all sundry place in the class-room is job for one team. The real bonus for this team is the chance to write on the blackboard - the welcome message or wishes on the occasion etc. They will bring colour chock-pieces and make it very colourful. We used to think - more colour - more artistic - more happiness!!

Bringing drinking water in the earthern pot and stocking enough water for the whole class and distributing it in small tumblers in an orderly way without wasting the water is the job for the second team. Bonus for this team is the chance to drink additional glasses of water ( that too, out of turn - which no body can object, if it is done by the member of this team)!

Third and fourth team will prepare song and dance or a skit depending on the occasion. We used to really write songs - meaning, compose the music based on some latest filmy tune - but the lyrics used to be totally original lyrics written by a group of us - joint venture - in Tamil. I regret not having copy of all those beautiful songs that we wrote !! We never understood the value of the artistic work we were doing. We did things for the sheer joy of doing.

The dance steps would be choreographed by ourselves and the practice session will go on for a week - there used to be some small misunderstandings, arguments on the particular step or on the way of dancing ( like, how to move the neck or waist or some other part of the body!!)... but everything gets settled soon and there is so much joy in getting ready for the D day. The question of make-up and dress used to be a daunting one for all of us. Basically, all of us were from very middle class families and hence had hardly 3 or 4 sets of clothes. Still we used to figure out how to make each dance or a skit with the perfect costume! So, we used to choose only social theme - as the costume would be simple dhoti and shirt or a saree and blouse - in case we agree on some mythological or King/Queen skit, we used to make the swords, waist-belt, crown, armlets, anklets etc. - all with cardboard and paste them with shiny paper that we had collected through out the year from cigarette packets.

I remember the huge collection of cigarette packets we all collectively held as our precious treasure - we had come up with a lot of in-door games using them. The smell of tobacco used to be intoxicating. We will pretend that we donot like it - but we used to take the empty packet to the nose and enjoy a good round of breathing-in to take the smell in !!

If you are thinking that our class was unique this way - no - you should know that each and every class had similar style of functioning. So when the dance / skit / song session is put up to the chief guest - there will always be a healthy competition to see which one is really good. The good dancers, good singers, good script writers, good lyricists used to be noticed by the teachers and they will utilise their services for the annual programme.

My elder sister used to be a great story-script-writer and a good director, though she will never act herself. She will command from her seat and everyone else will simply obey her. My cousin is a good dancer, actor, singer. Another distant cousin was again a good actor. So these two used to be always paired as man and woman.

The madisars, pancha kachcham, regular saree, mythological looking saree, bharatnatyam costume - everything used to be "managed"by the set of these 3 girls using simple dhotis and sarees. Nothing was difficult for them. The person wearing it should be ready for few pin-pricks while on stage, that too while doing a particularly difficult lifting of a leg or an arm.... otherwise, the show used to go on with the pin-pricks, and nobody would ever know that the dancer is undergoing some 5 pricks for every movement......even blouses - for any size, used to come from the same source and the wearer has to manage wearing it and look appropriate!! Fun days... there was not a single paise spent on anything... only hours and hours of work and jokes and laughter.........

OK, coming back to those yellow flowers, yes, you brought back memory of Government Girls High School, Sivaganga. Fun filled days!

I hope I get to meet Vasantha, Subhadra, Meera, Lalitha M and Lalitha S, Ramani and all the other 25 to 30 girls in my batch! I miss you guys!!

Thoughts

I was talking to my school-mate and she wondered whether I feel lonely now, living away from family. That triggered the thoughts in my mind. I found that I am actually happy being alone.

Then I thought of the days when I was with my complete family of all possible in-laws, including grand-mother-in-law!

I know I was not at least unhappy, though I was not so happy - as lots of physical work with good amount of financial stress was always there. But I had my good time and really liked being with everyone. So, I was happy then.

Again, as a child, I was in a big family with all uncles, aunts, cousins, grand parents and meeting own parents only once in a while. I was happy then also.

That sets me thinking. Is it that I make myself happy in all circumstances? I find a lot of girls, young women complaining on being alone, on being with in-laws, on being with just husband, on being with husband and children. They complain on anything and everything.

Saw this young mother who insisted that I visit her house to see her kitchen interior. I went with great expectation - it was in total mess. She had just her one (!) husband and one kid to take care and she had to do no outdoor work at all. She is 100% at home and the house is in such disarray - she went on complaining on and on and on about being alone. When she is alone, if this is the state of her house, what it will be when she has 3 or 4 in-laws staying with her?

I think young women just get married thinking of all the fun that they can have and never realise the work that comes with marriage. Even small little things like keeping a neat nice house, cooking, cleaning, planning food and grocery etc... everything is fun and enjoyable if one has the right attitude.

Thank God, I am a happy person! I enjoy being with people, being alone, doing work and not doing work also. Any situation is alright for me. Nothing really poses a difficulty for me. I realise that I am a very flexible person.

So my friends and family think that I never had any problem in my life so far - may be it is true. I do not know what a problem is - as I am always moving towards solutions and happiness!